I never thought I would allow the word spider in my blog but this story has to be told and to do so we have to talk about two of my biggest fears. Spiders and tight places. And yes, this is a really, really long story! Dave's younger brother Jared was in town recently and we decided to take him to Mammoth Cave National Park. Dave and I have been before and decided to try a new tour out called the New Entrance Tour. Note to the wise I DO NOT recommend this tour to anyone (Dave nor his brother had a problem with it! Such manly men.) The first time we visited Mammoth Caves the tour was great and we were in some tight places but I managed to keep my cool. I wish I could say the same for this tour. Before we got on the bus to drive to the New Entrance the ranger made a quick comment about crickets that look like spiders that we might see. I thought if it's really a cricket I can probably handle it. Then he mentioned that we would enter the cave through an air lock I pictured something out of Star Trek and was excited. So we line up to go into what looks like a telephone booth from the outside and people are piling in and the ranger shuts the door then the people inside the airlock can open the door to the cave. It's to preserve the cave since it's a man made entrance. Well I thought there might be a problem when a lady jumped out of the air lock and said she couldn't do it. She looked pretty scared. So we go in and the first thing I see is a HUGE hairy spider on the wall. I could see all it's beady little eyes staring at me. I freaked and Dave was directly behind me nudging me through. Well then I realized what I had just gotten myself into. It's a stairway, wide enough for 2 people if they squish, down to a door and the ranger told us to get really close because we were fitting about 15 or 20 people. People kept piling in and I'm just about to hyperventilate because I know there is at least one HUGE spider ready to jump on me and I look up and there are the nastiest most spider like looking crickets on the ceiling which really isn't that far from our heads. The little boy in front of me is whimpering and crying and then Jared says "Hey, there's another spider." And then it was all over. I was trying to hang on to the little dignity I had but then I noticed I was whimpering louder than the kid. I moved until I was as close to the man in front of me as I could be. He turned around like I was crazy and I told him sorry but I didn't move an inch. I kept feeling Dave's hand on my arm rubbing it trying to make everything better but by this point I was shaking all over and trying so hard to not freak out and start running on top of the people's heads to get out. I pulled my shirt up over my ears and neck just praying one of those monster crickets didn't decide to take a tour down my shirt. Then FINALLY the ranger shut the door behind us and she said we could go through the other door. Who put the kid in charge of opening the door? I thought I was going to have to attack that child. Well finally I got out and was never so happy to be in a dark, wet cave in my whole life. I just kept walking and it took a while for me to shake the creepiest experience of my life off. Then we get to a tunnel and low and behold a bat is coming right at me. I turn and run past Jared and get pretty much clotheslined by Dave. I told him there was no way I was going to let a bat get in my hair like Meredith on The Office. So he drags me through the tunnel and I throw my jacket over my head and close my eyes. Dave is dodging and weaving and I'm flailing frantically. He's literally dragging me. So yes you will have to excuse me when I say I don't recommend that tour to anyone. It was like a bad dream that you just can't wake up from. People call that entertaining? That was like the Board of the National Parks decided to play a mean trick on everyone!
